This is probably the hardest choice I’ve had to consider in the last 5 years. Do I quit my teaching job?
I’m not even a full week into the school year (not counting summer school weeks) and I HATE this job with such a severe passion that I’ve never felt in any other teaching job. I feel this constant, anxious, panicked worry that I’m not enough and am not teaching the students worthwhile material in an interesting way and am not controlling or fixing their behaviors and am overall not good enough.
My anxieties are worse than I’ve ever felt them and its constant. I can’t sleep anymore and it’s not bipolar swings, but just anxiety all the time, waking me up every 2 hours, reminding me every other minute I’m awake that I’m not good enough, that everyone hates me…
I’ve never seriously considered quitting a teaching job. I’ve never hated my job this much and dreaded work even when I’m there and in the middle of it.
I can’t tell if I’m just burnt out on teaching (which is what I also fear it is) or if this job is too much for my mental health (which I definitely think it is).
As much as I love the coworkers and want this job to work so badly, I can’t even see myself getting through the rest of the semester without a mental breakdown, in all seriousness. I don’t see myself getting through this year.
Do I quit and do that to my resume and have to figure out work for the remainder of the year?
What I feel in my gut without question is that I couldn’t have anticipated this job to be this bad for my mental health but that it is and I shouldn’t stay here.
Whenever I’m running and it’s getting hard to breathe or my muscles start to cramp and ache, I always repeat to myself a little question/chant; “What’s harder; to quit or to keep going? To keep going is harder, so let’s keep going.”
For once, I think quitting would be harder. I think staying and hating my job and my life for a year would be hard, but I wouldn’t have to look for other work or find a job with benefits or worry about my resume, etc. Quitting is harder and scary because my life would fall into an unknown territory and my family would worry and how would I deal with bills? But, all that seems quite minor compared to how I feel about how bad this job is for me.
I need to talk to Sue and Miranda (my bosses) about this. I need to follow through with this for myself.